Can Ebola spread through Air?

The popular question nowadays, and it should be, "Can Ebola spread via air?" The answer is slightly complicated depending on your understanding of the TWO types of aerial transmission of pathogens. To help us understand are Mr. Ebola, Mr. Rhinovirus and Mr. Giardia. Take it away guys.

Rhinovirus: I'm shaped like a mote of dust so I can travel easily in the air after a sneeze or cough. Plus I can hang and glide around in the particle cloud for hours! That's called aerosol transmission. Once I land, after a few hours, then I might be vulnerable to sanitizers.

Ebola: I am shaped like a paperclip, and have the aerodynamics of a wet noodle. I can hitch a ride on the biggest snots and droplets, but I fall like a rock after getting up to about 6 ft away. Then I start to dry out and die quickly. I need a sick person to shoot me at a healthy person and hit them in the eyeball. What I do is called "droplet transmission" which is very different than Rhino and his friend Influenza. 

Mr. Rhinovirus: I don't know buddy, let us give it a try. We'll jump off this ledge. 
Mr. Ebola: ...Alright. In the name of Science.

Mr. Ebola: *SPLAT*
Mr. Rhinovirus: Ooops. *floats*

Mr. Rhinovirus: Hey man look who won the infectivity contest!!
Mr. Ebola: Screw you.

Mr. Giardia: But Ebola, don't be sad, you can infect poop like me! And if people are dirty, we can contaminate moist things like food if they don't wash their hands before preparing food, eating and of course... After taking a dump! The scientists who study us call that the "fecal-oral route." That way, your delicate viral envelope won't dry out so fast if you are safely nuzzled in a microscopic bit of poop on some lettuce! Also, don't you normally live in the jungles of Africa? That's crazy humid.

Mr. Ebola: You know what Giardia, you're right. I am so awesome, I can even infect blood, vomit, and semen!! Those idiots can't have safe sex for months after I fail to kill them. Mwhahahah. Suck on that Rhinovirus. 

Messrs Rhino and Giardia: Dude, you're a little creepy, TMI. Killing hosts is bad for business. It gets the hosts' attention, and then they devote loads of time and $$ to kill you off. Just look at poor Polio. *RIP*

The Ghost of Polio: "Just wait you bastards, there is still some of me left in Pakistan. I'm coming for you."

And that dearies, is how Ebola spreads. Go wash your raw produce with a dilute chlorine solution and rinse well. And wash your freaking hands.

- Dr. M.